If someone were to ask me to describe the “ideal woman” by society’s standards, I would say just look on the cover of a magazine. She’s tall, generally skin and bones, perfect skin, flawless hair and makeup, and she’s always wearing the most fashionable outfit. We all know how those women get to be like that. They have a personal nutritionist, their own stylist, and they pay thousands of dollars (or the media outlet taking her picture does) to wear that outfit. And I won’t even get into the airbrushing and graphical editing that goes on. Despite what we know about how much it takes to make a woman look like that, we still spend a sizable amount of our energy trying to “measure up” to that image. We buy into every crash diet we can find, spend money on self tanners and makeup and other expensive girlie gadgets. Many of us will shop and spend ridiculous amounts of money to find clothes that will only be fashionable for a summer.

The thing that bothers me the most about all of this is that it’s not just the magazine or the TV show that promotes this. If it was, it would be simple to tune out the message. There are other aspects of a woman’s life that may not control or market the “standard”, but they certainly support it. Whether it’s to be taken seriously at work or to be allowed in to a new downtown hot spot, a woman feels the pressure from many sides to do everything she can to fit that “perfect girl” image. I call this the Cosmo-girl, because Cosmo-girls truly define this image in my mind. But ask yourself: Is this realistic for me? Is this healthy for me?

There are many of us who feel that this expectation is not only unattainable, it is downright unhealthy. I am one of those people. Partly I am biased though, because I am also one of those women who will never fit that mold no matter how much I try. I am not 5’10″, and I’ll never be a size 1. I don’t have perfect skin, I’m white as a ghost and my idea of a fashionable outfit is a comfortable t-shirt and jeans. I am a single mother, so I can’t afford to even entertain the idea of an outfit that costs $500!

I can maybe laugh about it now because my life is more about making sure I get to the gym and have dinner on the table after work… and there’s no one standing outside my kitchen denying me entry because I’m wearing the wrong brand of clothing. But historically, my life has many times been about “if only”. If only I could wear those jeans, if only I could afford those shoes, if only I could look like that… things would be better or different or easier. What a sad way to spend your energy, right?

It is important to remember that there has to be balance though. While I may feel that the size 1 image is a ridiculous expectation for everyone to meet, its still a positive thing and a health thing to be healthy and fit. A woman can accept that she will never be a size 1, but should still be active and healthy. A woman can and should accept that a $500 outfit is often unrealistic, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that she should spend her life wearing paint-covered sweat pants! This is my definition of the anti-Cosmo girl. So what is the distinguishing factor? In my mind, it’s that the Anti-Cosmo girl does all of those things because she cares about herself first. She cares about being healthy, and she wants her outer appearance to match her inner beauty. She is less concerned or maybe even completely unconcerned with status and fitting a particular image. Cosmo-girl types on the other hand, will do whatever it takes regardless of the costs to their own health. I once fasted for 10 days because I was so caught up in my image that I was desperate for immediate change and results. What allows the Anti-Cosmo girl to succeed in her life?  Self-respect and confidence. This is huge, and it escaped me for most of my young life. I couldn’t really find a reason to appreciate myself unless I was accepted by the masses; unless I fit the mold. You can imagine how much torture it was since it was an impossible expectation for me to meet.

So, after many years as a teen and young adult of feeling the pressure, I guess I have tried very hard to fight the societal programming that has waged war against my better judgment inside of myself. I have to be at peace with myself as I am. I find that to be a very difficult thing to do though. Because of the female images we are force-fed on a daily basis, we are all set up from the very beginning to compare. To compare ourselves to every other woman that we see or interact with in our daily lives. Think about it- how often do you size up a woman as she walks by you at the grocery store or mall? Probably more often than you realize. Sometimes we size up a woman who appears to be “better” than us, while other times it is a less than fit woman we stare at to determine if we are “better” than they are. This whole mentality puts us in a state of constant competition.

I have spent many hours in my past at the gym “sizing up” the other women working out alongside of me. It helps to have mirrors, because then you think you might be able to pass judgment without drawing attention to yourself.  And when you inadvertently make eye contact with another woman who is sizing you up at the same time… well you just look away as quickly as you can and hope she didn’t notice.  I will admit I still have trouble fighting this urge. But mostly now, I watch the other women do it to me, to each other and to themselves. I try to remember that the diversity of skin color, size, curves, hair and everything else is what makes us all so great. It is sad to think we’ve reduced ourselves to this; its especially sad when you consider the fact that there is really nothing to be gained from any of it.

Every once in a while you see a woman or know a woman who doesn’t do this. She doesn’t look at anyone else, doesn’t judge, and she seems completely oblivious to the people who are watching her… another Anti-Cosmo girl trait in my opinion. I am always so envious of her, because she is quite obviously content with herself as she is; she has no reason to compare herself or judge herself against others. I strive everyday to be that kind of woman. To free myself from these images that torment me and make me believe- if only for a few seconds- that I’m not making the cut.

I am a work-in-progress. I think we all are. I don’t succeed at this ideal everyday, but I certainly work at it everyday and it seems like a far better way to spend my energy. Here at Goddess I’m hoping to channel that energy into productive discussions about what it means to be a woman, and why there is value in fighting the Cosmo-girl mentality.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites