A cat will do what he needs to do- period. He doesn’t care about you, your feelings, or anything else except what he wants at that moment. He lives his life for himself and no one else. In the human world, we have to worry about respecting people. It’s not as easy for us to make choices for ourselves because we have to think about the consequences of our decisions and how they may affect the people around us. You may want to quit your job today, but you have to think of how that may affect your family tomorrow.
Just because we can’t live our lives as simply and directly as our feline friends, we can still learn from them. There are choices we all want to make but hesitate for a multitude of reasons. A girl wants to cut her hair but doesn’t because her significant other thinks she looks better with it long. A lawyer may want to give up his profession and work as a blackjack dealer but doesn’t because his high-profile friends may judge his decision.

When you are living some aspect of your life because it’s what you believe other’s expect, you’re not being true to yourself. While there are obviously situations that warrant planning and discussion with other people in your life, there are many things we can change simply be letting go of the idea that what someone thinks of us actually matters.

I was married for 6 years. I was with him for nearly 4 years before that. It was a volatile relationship from the start, but I lacked the ability to look at the situation and realize that it wasn’t doing me any good to stay in it. We were married three weeks after our son was born. Things never improved, and I tried many times during those 6 years to talk to people about it, but the response I always got was “You have a family, sometimes you just have to accept what you get and find another way to be happy”, or “Separating the family is the wrong thing to do. You’ll struggle financially and you’ll regret it”. I listened to those people so long that I ended up with another son (and for that I am truly grateful). Still, I was angry, depressed, and resentful for being “stuck” in the place I was in.

Finally, when things were at their worst it hit me- This is my life and I am wasting it by staying in a situation that makes me unhappy. I went against everyone’s expectation and I ended a situation that I knew would have never fulfilled me. It was the best thing I could have ever done, but it took a long time for people to come around. I finally stopped caring about what other people would think if I made a choice for myself instead of “the family”. To be honest, I’m a much better Mother to my kids now because I am happy instead of resentful and depressed.

Your cat has the right idea. This is your life, and you’re the one who has to live it everyday. Make decisions based on what you want and let everything else settle in around you. What people expect of you is usually not what you expect of yourself. If that were true, I would be a lawyer and be married to a millionaire (my Mom’s ultimate dream for me). There’s nothing wrong with following your heart and doing what’s right for you. If it makes you happy, then ultimately the people around you will benefit.

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It’s definitely true that not everyone is a dog person. My Ex-Husband is a perfect example. When he comes over to my house his primary concern is keeping the dog away from him. This of course, makes Bella crazy! When resistance is encountered, she decides there must be some mistake! If she just keeps trying, surely he’ll realize how wonderful she is! Dog lovers know this is one of the best things about them. They don’t fall down and then spend a day or two feeling sorry for themselves. They don’t even spend 10 minutes. They get right back up and they’re as happy in the moment after rejection as they were the moment before.

Every aspect of a dog’s life is this way. They don’t get angry because you’ve gone to work for the day. They don’t get sad because there was only dry kibble in their dish. They don’t wallow in self pity when their life doesn’t go as they planned. Life just is what it is, so they make the best of it. It’s a beautiful example of how we should live our own lives.

Negative feelings can be a good thing because they tell us what we don’t want, but once we’ve identified what it is we don’t want, then letting those feelings go is the best thing we can do for ourselves. The dog may have waited all day for you to come home, but he doesn’t waste his evening being depressed or mean in retaliation for leaving him. He wags his tail with this huge smile on his face and makes you feel like you’re the best person in the whole wide world. And what happens when we spend our time thinking about the bad things that have happened to us? We start to give up. We start to lose hope, and then it snowballs.

If we learn to accept that we can’t change what’s already happened, then we can move forward in a positive way. When we release ourselves from the things in the past then we can concentrate on creating a better present; a better future. In every moment of our lives there is something we have to be joyful for, just like a dog. The difference between us and our canine companions is that we often choose to fester in our worries and troubles. Feeling worried, depressed, or angry about something that has already happened doesn’t improve your situation at that moment. It does nothing for you except make you feel more worried, depressed or angry.

Whether you’re a dog person or not, we could all learn a little something from Fido. Don’t Worry- Be Happy! Your life will thank you for it.

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Every time I watched Carry in Sex and the City spend $900 on a new pair of Manolo’s it made me sick to my stomach. Don’t get me wrong, I love shoes. Love shoes. If could, I would have a pair for every day of the year and then some. The problem for me is spending that kind of money on one pair of shoes. Think how many you could buy somewhere else for the price of one pair of Manolo’s? Therein lies the issue. Many people don’t want 40 pairs of shoes, they want one pair of Manolo’s. They’ll do anything to have the most fashionable thing on their feet, including spending $900.

I don’t buy girlie magazines (if you want to know why check out my post on fighting the Cosmo-girl image), but occasionally I might flip through one my Mom brings me. There’s always a page or two on the new “hot looks”. It starts with showing you a famous person all glammed-up and how much their particular outfit cost, including accessories. It’s usually completely absurd… like $1300 just for the skirt. Then, they kindly show you how you can mimic this outfit buying less expensive items somewhere else. I always laugh, because even though they’ve found a cheaper alternative, it’s still more than I would ever spend on one outfit. I might consider it if someone could assure me that it would be timeless; it would never go out of style and I could wear it for years to come. Yeah, right! This $500 “mimic” outfit is  this year’s fall fashion and so next year if I want to be in fashion again I’ll have to go out and buy something different. Chances are if you want to be fashionable you have to consider buying more than one outfit too, because fashionistas certainly don’t wear the same outfit over and over and over again.

And realistically, the outfit is only the tip of the iceberg. There’s hair style, hair color, makeup, shoes, necklaces, earrings, handbags, and outerwear. Did I miss anything? It seems like it would be a full-time hobby just to keep up with everything.

Imagine what it must cost us every year to keep up… and I doubt that most of us even spend the kind of money that I’m speaking about.  Make an estimate of what you spend in an average year on the Christmas party dress, new work clothes, fashionable hair style, and everything else and I bet you could almost take a trip somewhere for the same amount of money!

There was a Sex and the City episode where Carry tries to buy her apartment, but realizes that she’s spent all her money on shoes. She has hundred’s of thousands of dollars worth of shoes and as a result she now lacks any kind of net worth, can’t buy her precious apartment. This is the high price of fashion. It’s not the actual cost in dollars, it’s the opportunity cost that is lost when you spend your money on it. For the price of two Manolo’s, I could redo my bathroom and increase the value of my home $5,000! For the price of two Manolo’s, I could take my kids to Hawaii! Of course, I don’t actually have that kind of money, but you see my point. Fashion can sometimes end up costing you much more than just the green stuff.

Since I have neither the time nor the money to keep up with the rat race of fashion, I am terminally uncool. You’ll find me most days in some version of a t-shirt and jeans. And ya know… that’s ok with me.

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Think back to your childhood for a moment. What’s the first great memory that comes to mind? How old were you? Was the memory an experience or was it an item that you received from someone? I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that for most of us, our memories of childhood are defined by what experiences we had, rather than by things we acquired.

Some of my fondest memories include tents that my Grandma made for me on her outdoor porch swing in the summer time, camping trips,”hookie days” from school with my Mom for getting good grades, family bike rides, and holiday traditions such as making gingerbread men at Christmas time. If someone were to ask me the best, most expensive or beloved “thing” I got when I was 9, I wouldn’t be able to answer them! I have NO CLUE what I got as gifts when I was 9. Sure, I remember certain things. I remember getting a bike at Christmas one year. I remember being given my pet rabbit and that when I “graduated” 6th grade my Mom bought me a necklace.

Now days, people just buy things for their kids. They buy them new clothes, new video games, Lego’s, hot wheels, and anything else that will pacify them for a while. It’s like everyone is just trying to buy their kid off.  My kids may sometimes feel they’re worse off than their friends because I don’t take them shopping for stuff every weekend (I don’t even take myself shopping), but I would much rather spend money on them in a way that creates memories instead of a piece of plastic that will be forgotten about in a day or two.

A good way to make memories is to continue traditions that you enjoyed when you were a child. The gingerbread men are an annual activity here at my house. For boys, it seems that eating them is way more fun than decorating them but come December they are asking me when it will be time to make them. I also like to start traditions of my own. Every spring and fall we take a weekend trip into the mountains and play in the hot springs. We swim, eat gelato, swim, go for a hike, eat dinner (and more gelato!), swim, pass out for the night and then repeat! We have so much fun, and since it’s a short trip within driving distance it’s easily affordable. We also go camping every summer.

I once got this kettle popcorn maker for my stove and initially I wondered what the world I was ever going to do with such a thing. It sat in a cupboard for a few years and then one night it dawned on me that we should have “movie night”. Movie night now happens every Friday night. The boys help me make the popcorn and then we snuggle together on the couch and chow down to a good flick. It’s a really nice way to start the weekend… especially in the winter. The point is that I believe when my son’s grow up, they will remember the activities and adventures we went on together long after they’ve forgotten that I once bought them a $50 game for their Gameboy.

I share the same difficulties as every parent in trying to balance work, social life, hobbies, kids, their hobbies, school, homework, etc. It’s one of the hardest things I have to tackle each day. I may not be able to create a meaningful memory each and every day, but if I plan ahead I can make time to do things with them that are more about being happy then they are about getting stuff that’s “cool”.

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What’s happened to that once popular, but now almost forgotten idea of respecting the people and things around you? One of my biggest pet peeves in life is that no one seems to care about it anymore. It’s as if everyone is so caught up in their own life (driving with blinders on, as I call it) that no one has time or “room” in their life to care. People seem completely oblivious; Oblivious to how their interactions and choices in life send out ripples that affect other people, and even our planet. See, I was raised somewhat old fashioned… with the idea that we respect all things and all people until they have given you good reason not to; and even then at the very least, you had enough manners to be civil in their presence. Now days, it seems like the opposite. Respect no one unless they give you good reason to. Civility, manners, courteousness… well they’ve pretty much gone out the window. Is it selfishness, oblivion, apathy, or all of the above? I don’t know, but I am tired of it. I’ve seen some things that absolutely horrify me. I do the best to teach my children a better way to be, but it’s hard to instill a moral in your children when they are immersed in a different type of environment. There are four different levels of respect that in my mind should exist within our society, all of which I see less and less.

Strangers and Passerby’s

A few years back, while at the mall with my husband and son (who was just a baby at the time), we stopped to fiddle with the stroller and across the way was a man who was laying down on a bench and panting heavily. His wife was by his side, looking fairly concerned and as I watched I began to notice that dozens of people were walking right by him and yet not a single person had stopped to ask if he needed help. I went over there and he ended up being fine (panic attack), but jeez! I couldn’t imagine how so many people could make eye contact with this person in distress and just keep walking.

Last week, I learned firsthand how it feels to be in a crisis and have people just walk right by. My two boys and I were at the park where we go to walk our dog everyday. We inadvertently walked across a group of wasps who were (I guess) making their ground nest for the winter. Within seconds my son started screaming and when I looked down at him, he had dozens of wasps all over him. They were in his ears, all over his shirt, neck, arms and legs. I couldn’t get them off and in my panic I did the first thing I could think of which was to start stripping his clothes off (the more I tried to bat them away, the more they seemed to persist). So, here we are; all of us (even the poor dog) being attached by wasps running around like crazy people (half-naked crazy people)- we must have been a site to see. Not a single person stopped to ask if we were ok. In fact, I even told a man as he walked by what had just happened so that he would know not to go the way we had. He looked at me as though I was crazy- Didn’t even answer me.

These are pretty extreme examples but it happens everywhere. Think about how oblivious people are when they’re shopping at the grocery store? They don’t care where their cart is, or if you need to get by. How about a car with a flat tire on the side of the road? People figure they’re late for work, don’t have time to help a total stranger, and that person probably has a cell phone anyway. And then there’s the guy in the car who nearly runs you off the highway because he just has to be in front of you. There are a million other examples and it’s so rampant that we’re almost conditioned enough not to notice.

Friends and Acquaintances

This level of respect is definitely better than the first, but I still think things could be better. Many of my friends have actually picked on me for being “too polite”. What did I do? Simple. I picked up my food dish and cup and took it to the kitchen. I asked if I could have a soda… that made me annoying polite. That’s just common courtesy in my world.

How about respecting a friend’s point of view, or respecting them enough to be a true confidant? How about when you tell someone you’re gonna be there at 6:00, you actually show up at 6:00? I have a friend who is absolutely one of the sweetest people I know. I have seen him skip his most favorite things in the world to help a person move. He understands respect and manners, and yet when it is time for him to move, does anyone show up to help? Nope. Everyone is suddenly busy.

I was raised to show up on time, say please and thank you, and to be there for friends and co-workers when they need something; even if it means that I have to give up something that benefits me (time or money).

Family

This is a big one for me, especially as a Mother and a Daughter. I see how some kids talk to their parents (and sadly, how some parents talk to their children) and there is absolutely no respect. I was never threatened or in fear of being punished for not respecting people as a child, I did it because I was taught that that was the way to be, and even now I cringe at the thought of ever speaking to my Mom or Dad in ways that I hear everyday when I’m out. I’ve seen parent’s talk to their children as if they were completely and utterly insignificant! Mere afterthoughts in their lives who didn’t have an opinion or even feelings. I’ve seen children scream and yell and call their parents names in public. I don’t fault the kids so much because it’s not their job to know respect. It’s our job to teach them, and we can’t even respect each other! How the hell are we going to instill courtesy and respect in them when we don’t practice it ourselves?

With each generation it seems worse. It is critically important to me that I teach my boys to respect all people, all life, and our planet. Whether it’s a selfish tendency or apathy, it breeds this “not my problem” kind of attitude in people, and how can a society of people function without connection? How can you be connected to someone you don’t respect, or who doesn’t have anything good to say about you?

As Gandhi would say, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world“. There’s something to that, ya know? Sure it sucks to get cut off by a car in the morning when you’re in a hurry to get to work. I hate it, too. But, instead of using that as an excuse to be disrespectful to other’s on the road, I use it as a reason to be courteous. I can be a better person than that. I can let someone in ahead of me so they don’t have to cut someone else off later. Helping someone out can instill in them the idea to help someone else someday. Habits are like viruses… they catch on. Rudeness and selfishness caught on, so why can’t respectfulness? If you want more on this, watch the movie Pay It Forward; same concept.

This brings us to the fourth level of respect. Respect of Self. Learning to respect yourself is a topic best saved for it’s own post, but it is the most critical by far of all forms of respect. If you can’t respect yourself, than there’s no way you can give it away (of receive it, for that matter). If you don’t respect yourself, you do things like stay in a painful relationship, allow other people to treat you badly, and you stop making goals for yourself. Quite simply, you don’t care about you. Gaining respect for yourself is a necessity if you want to improve any aspect of your life; without it, there’s little motivation or reason to make changes. We all have a reason to respect ourselves, no matter what’s happening in our lives. You’ll never garner respect of other’s if you don’t have self-respect.

The next time you see an opportunity to have manners (no matter how respectful or courteous you may be), take that opportunity to do something better. You’ve got nothing to lose and quite possible everything to gain. I believe that you cannot be giving, compassionate or caring to something you don’t have respect for, so learning to step up your courteous meter a notch or two can bring improvements into your life in more ways than one. Try it and see.

To give credit where credit is due, here is a link to Savage Chickens, the fantastic website where I found the comic featured in this post. It is loaded with great stuff, so check it out.

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