Being single used to be a temporary state for me. I had this idea that being single wasn’t a place to stay, it was an in between place in my life where I only stayed as long as I had to. I hated it, to tell you the truth. Somehow in my mind, being single meant there was something wrong with me, otherwise I wouldn’t be alone. Admittedly, I was raised a bit old school… I learned at a young age that being with a man was the only way to be. I went from one boyfriend to the next and eventually to a husband, without ever realizing that I was really missing something. That something turned out to be me! With all the relationships back to back my whole life I had absolutely NO idea what I wanted out of my life! My life was being lived by some “alternate” me… there were reflections of myself in it, but mostly I was creating the me that would make that particular relationship work and function. They of course always ended in part because I could never sustain the non-authentic person I had become.

I didn’t learn to appreciate and cherish being single until I was 31 years old. Better late than never. My last relationship was a disaster and I couldn’t bring myself to get back in the game. There was a time when I felt a sense of urgency to find someone new (clearly my old shortcomings and ideologies at work), but luckily for me nothing ever panned out. I finally realized how smart it is to be single. There’s nothing wrong with it at all!!! In fact, it is incredibly liberating and empowering. Not only have I learned about myself in the sense of what I want and need, but I have grown in my confidence as well. I no longer have even the slightest urge to be in or stay in a relationship that isn’t giving me exactly what I need. I now know that unless it’s going to rock my world and inspire me, it’s not worth it.

If you’re still in the habit of thinking that you have to be pro-actively searching for love, think again. There are so many advantages to being single for a while. Here’s a few reasons to settle in and get comfortable.

1. Your time is truly yours now. Even though I could for the most part do what I wanted to do while in a relationship, it wasn’t the same as being single. Out of respect for him, I still had to check in and let him know when I would be home, etc. And often I ended up doing something that wouldn’t have necessarily been on my top ten list (Such as helping him work on his car instead of hanging out with girlfriends or enjoying a good movie). Now what I do is exactly what I want, and I don’t have to call a single person. I don’t have to worry about getting home in time for dinner or anything else. It’s a fantastic thing to be a 100% owner of your time without accountability- even if it’s only for a while.
2. You are CEO. Once during my early single-life, I went furniture shopping to get a new dining room table. There was a couple next to me in a disagreement about which table to buy because they each had their own ideas about what was best for their kitchen. It made me smile becuase for that moment I felt grateful that I didn’t have that complication in my life. The furniture salesman came my way and I pointed and said “I’ll take that one”. It was great.
3. Overhaul Yourself! Relationships can be a huge blessing OR burden on your own body image. Once I stopped viewing my single status as temporary, I was able to focus in on what parts of me I like and what parts of me I want to change and make better. This goes for the external as well as internal. I learned that a lot of what I thought I liked and didn’t like was actually a reflection of what my significant other felt about me. Now I know what I want to keep and what I don’t.
4. Favorite Things. Many of us have hobbies that aren’t exactly the kind of thing a guy wants to be doing! Such as shopping (my Mother’s hobby), sewing, arts and crafts, etc. I am a skydiver and so even in my hobby it’s not the kind of thing that I can necessarily do with a significant other. Being single for a while allows you to really focus on the things you love in a selfish kind of way without depriving another person of anything. Take advantage of this selfish time, it’s great for motivating and inspiring change.
5. Be a bed hog! Hahaha! This may sound strange, but I truly love that I don’t have to share my bed right now. I can have as many covers on or off as I want, sleep with a fan on or the heater on; I can sleep SIDEWAYS if I want! It’s one of the luxuries only afforded to us singletons.

I realize that most of us- regardless of how happily single we are- still have the intention to live our life with another, and that’s a good thing. Being in love is a basic human need I think. But, it doesn’t mean that a woman shouldn’t revel in her freedom and take full advantage of it’s benefits. There is so much you can learn about yourself if you embrace it instead of focusing on trying to change your status. Being single allows you to recenter yourself, be sure about what you want, and change the things about yourself that don’t empower you; These things will be priceless later on, because the more you know yourself the better quality your next relationship will be.

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