What’s happened to that once popular, but now almost forgotten idea of respecting the people and things around you? One of my biggest pet peeves in life is that no one seems to care about it anymore. It’s as if everyone is so caught up in their own life (driving with blinders on, as I call it) that no one has time or “room” in their life to care. People seem completely oblivious; Oblivious to how their interactions and choices in life send out ripples that affect other people, and even our planet. See, I was raised somewhat old fashioned… with the idea that we respect all things and all people until they have given you good reason not to; and even then at the very least, you had enough manners to be civil in their presence. Now days, it seems like the opposite. Respect no one unless they give you good reason to. Civility, manners, courteousness… well they’ve pretty much gone out the window. Is it selfishness, oblivion, apathy, or all of the above? I don’t know, but I am tired of it. I’ve seen some things that absolutely horrify me. I do the best to teach my children a better way to be, but it’s hard to instill a moral in your children when they are immersed in a different type of environment. There are four different levels of respect that in my mind should exist within our society, all of which I see less and less.

Strangers and Passerby’s

A few years back, while at the mall with my husband and son (who was just a baby at the time), we stopped to fiddle with the stroller and across the way was a man who was laying down on a bench and panting heavily. His wife was by his side, looking fairly concerned and as I watched I began to notice that dozens of people were walking right by him and yet not a single person had stopped to ask if he needed help. I went over there and he ended up being fine (panic attack), but jeez! I couldn’t imagine how so many people could make eye contact with this person in distress and just keep walking.

Last week, I learned firsthand how it feels to be in a crisis and have people just walk right by. My two boys and I were at the park where we go to walk our dog everyday. We inadvertently walked across a group of wasps who were (I guess) making their ground nest for the winter. Within seconds my son started screaming and when I looked down at him, he had dozens of wasps all over him. They were in his ears, all over his shirt, neck, arms and legs. I couldn’t get them off and in my panic I did the first thing I could think of which was to start stripping his clothes off (the more I tried to bat them away, the more they seemed to persist). So, here we are; all of us (even the poor dog) being attached by wasps running around like crazy people (half-naked crazy people)- we must have been a site to see. Not a single person stopped to ask if we were ok. In fact, I even told a man as he walked by what had just happened so that he would know not to go the way we had. He looked at me as though I was crazy- Didn’t even answer me.

These are pretty extreme examples but it happens everywhere. Think about how oblivious people are when they’re shopping at the grocery store? They don’t care where their cart is, or if you need to get by. How about a car with a flat tire on the side of the road? People figure they’re late for work, don’t have time to help a total stranger, and that person probably has a cell phone anyway. And then there’s the guy in the car who nearly runs you off the highway because he just has to be in front of you. There are a million other examples and it’s so rampant that we’re almost conditioned enough not to notice.

Friends and Acquaintances

This level of respect is definitely better than the first, but I still think things could be better. Many of my friends have actually picked on me for being “too polite”. What did I do? Simple. I picked up my food dish and cup and took it to the kitchen. I asked if I could have a soda… that made me annoying polite. That’s just common courtesy in my world.

How about respecting a friend’s point of view, or respecting them enough to be a true confidant? How about when you tell someone you’re gonna be there at 6:00, you actually show up at 6:00? I have a friend who is absolutely one of the sweetest people I know. I have seen him skip his most favorite things in the world to help a person move. He understands respect and manners, and yet when it is time for him to move, does anyone show up to help? Nope. Everyone is suddenly busy.

I was raised to show up on time, say please and thank you, and to be there for friends and co-workers when they need something; even if it means that I have to give up something that benefits me (time or money).

Family

This is a big one for me, especially as a Mother and a Daughter. I see how some kids talk to their parents (and sadly, how some parents talk to their children) and there is absolutely no respect. I was never threatened or in fear of being punished for not respecting people as a child, I did it because I was taught that that was the way to be, and even now I cringe at the thought of ever speaking to my Mom or Dad in ways that I hear everyday when I’m out. I’ve seen parent’s talk to their children as if they were completely and utterly insignificant! Mere afterthoughts in their lives who didn’t have an opinion or even feelings. I’ve seen children scream and yell and call their parents names in public. I don’t fault the kids so much because it’s not their job to know respect. It’s our job to teach them, and we can’t even respect each other! How the hell are we going to instill courtesy and respect in them when we don’t practice it ourselves?

With each generation it seems worse. It is critically important to me that I teach my boys to respect all people, all life, and our planet. Whether it’s a selfish tendency or apathy, it breeds this “not my problem” kind of attitude in people, and how can a society of people function without connection? How can you be connected to someone you don’t respect, or who doesn’t have anything good to say about you?

As Gandhi would say, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world“. There’s something to that, ya know? Sure it sucks to get cut off by a car in the morning when you’re in a hurry to get to work. I hate it, too. But, instead of using that as an excuse to be disrespectful to other’s on the road, I use it as a reason to be courteous. I can be a better person than that. I can let someone in ahead of me so they don’t have to cut someone else off later. Helping someone out can instill in them the idea to help someone else someday. Habits are like viruses… they catch on. Rudeness and selfishness caught on, so why can’t respectfulness? If you want more on this, watch the movie Pay It Forward; same concept.

This brings us to the fourth level of respect. Respect of Self. Learning to respect yourself is a topic best saved for it’s own post, but it is the most critical by far of all forms of respect. If you can’t respect yourself, than there’s no way you can give it away (of receive it, for that matter). If you don’t respect yourself, you do things like stay in a painful relationship, allow other people to treat you badly, and you stop making goals for yourself. Quite simply, you don’t care about you. Gaining respect for yourself is a necessity if you want to improve any aspect of your life; without it, there’s little motivation or reason to make changes. We all have a reason to respect ourselves, no matter what’s happening in our lives. You’ll never garner respect of other’s if you don’t have self-respect.

The next time you see an opportunity to have manners (no matter how respectful or courteous you may be), take that opportunity to do something better. You’ve got nothing to lose and quite possible everything to gain. I believe that you cannot be giving, compassionate or caring to something you don’t have respect for, so learning to step up your courteous meter a notch or two can bring improvements into your life in more ways than one. Try it and see.

To give credit where credit is due, here is a link to Savage Chickens, the fantastic website where I found the comic featured in this post. It is loaded with great stuff, so check it out.

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