I never really gave much thought to my relationship with my own parents until I became one. Prior to motherhood, my relationship with them was just there. I didn’t think about it or entertain ways to improve it. Now, as a mother, I reflect back so much more on the things my parents did and ways that they chose to raise my sister and I. I consider the things they say and contemplate what their experiences in life had been that led them to believe the way they do. I see similarities in myself as well as differences and I try to appreciate all the things about them, no matter how difficult.

My mom is very different from me. She is very old-school. She believes I should be married to a rich man, and that “settling” for whatever you get in a relationship is just the way things are done. She has in her own life settled for a man that she doesn’t love, but who provides for her (she’s told me this herself, so it’s not just speculation). As much as I disagree with her choice, I respect her simply because she is my Mother, and so I accept her personal choices in life. I have told her how I felt, and we are at a place where we respect each other enough to agree to disagree. That said, she’s my Mom, so she still offers up her advice at every turn. Even though her advice makes no sense to me sometimes and is often radically old-fashioned compared to how I live my life, I still listen to her. I still respect what she has to say. Many people wold say I tolerate things I shouldn’t have to, and maybe in some cases I could see their point. But, I do it because I won’t always have my Mother around. I do it because I love her regardless of her difference of opinion and it’s worth it to me to listen to her reasoning just to be able to spend time with her.

When my Mom’s Dad was still alive, I used to go visit him once a week or so. He was in his 90′s, but still lived alone in his house. He was blind and so I would often go over to read the paper to him, or at least keep him company for a little while. My grandpa was born in 1904, and his favorite thing in the world was to tell stories about the past. I always listened to him tell me the same stories over and over again. I thought if I had to hear his Stanley Steamer story one more time I was gonna go crazy! Even though his stories got boring to me, now that he’s gone I would give anything to hear him tell that story one more time. I think about my parent’s getting older and it occurs to me that someday I’ll be listening to her tell me stories, and I want to be sure that from start to finish my relationship with her (and my Father) is one that I will have no regrets about later in life.

Someday my boys may look at my relationship with them and judge the choices that I made. For better or worse I do the best I can to love them, support them, and teach them how to be an adult. I am sure I will make mistakes along the way, I am human. Sure there are aspects about my childhood that I think my Mom should have done differently, but living in regret, resentment or anger towards her does nothing for me. It’s in the past. As a parent, I believe she probably is well aware of some of the poor decisions she made regarding my sister and I; but I also believe in my heart that she would change them if she could.

There’s no real point to this post. I don’t have any tips or advice to give. I just was simply thinking today that our relationships with our parents are temporary and priceless. While I realize that there are some cases where this does not apply (I realize there are some relationships which are broken in ways that cannot be mended), having a good relationship with your parents can make such an amazing difference in your life. I may not agree with everything she did when I was growing up, but I love my Mother and I plan to listen to every one of her stories about life, whether I think she’s being old-school or not.

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