The Grass is always greener is a syndrome. When you’re afflicted, it makes everyday life difficult. All you can see is how much better the “other” would be and how unsatisfying your current situation is. It can leave you feeling down and out about your life, and ultimately your life becomes disappointing. But is the grass really greener, or are we just tormenting ourselves?

Regardless of the situation, it’s often very easy to trick ourselves into believing that things would be better if they were different. Take raising children for example. When I was pregnant with my first son, all the while at work I was thinking how great it was gonna be to be at home with him. Sweet! I can get up in the morning, go to the park with the baby, and just be with him all day without the stress of a job. How quickly I was disillusioned! Being a stay at home Mom is not a cake walk by any stretch of the imagination. I think it is THE hardest job in the world. What disillusioned me wasn’t spending the day with my baby (that was the good stuff); what got to me was the isolation. Instead of going to a place where I had adults to communicate with, technical problems to solve and scientific studies to produce, my life was now a series of laundry, dishes, baby talk, sesame street and the Wiggles. As a social person, Elmo just didn’t cut it for me. Each night my poor husband would come home after a long day at work and I would jabber on and on because I was in withdrawal from a lack of adult conversation. Of course I had nothing interesting to talk about, unless you happen to find sesame street summaries and how-I-organized-the-kitchen-today stories interesting. After a year, I began thinking a 9-5 job was definitely better than my current situation. Fast forward to nine years (wait… nine years? Can that be right?) and I am a full-time employed mother who thinks often about how nice it would be to stay home with my 4 year old instead of going to work.

The point of that story is that it is a perfect example of how the “grass is always greener” mentality can set you up for hardship. If I continually see reasons why things would be better “if”, than I automatically make the current situation subpar or not fulfilling in my mind (regardless of whether it is or not). To think that way would perpetually set me up for discontentment. The reality of the situation is that both sides are equally green for completely different reasons.

The grass is always greener… it’s such a trap and we do it to ourselves. You think it would be great to get a dog, and then you have a dog and you recall how much simpler life was before Fido came along; how you could just leave on a moment’s notice and not have to worry, no dog poo, and no chewed up slippers. IF Fido were really gone though, you would be thinking about how great he was to have around and how he always showed you love and compassion. Maybe you think that job B would be better than job A because it pays $15,000 more per year. At that point, all you’re seeing is the money. So, you take job B and within a month or two you realize how much better job A was because you now have to work overtime every week and have no flexibility… that was what that $15,000 cost you.

To avoid feeling like the other situation would be better than the current one, a person must appreciate the things that are great about their life now. Be grateful for them. Don’t take your current life for granted! In the case of my example, instead of thinking how great it would be to stay home with my son, I should switch my mode of thought to the benefits of working at a job. I have co-workers to talk to, I have set tasks to complete that give me a sense of pride, I get a paycheck, and I get to be an adult for 8 hours a day. Another benefit for me personally is that the quantity of time I do spend with my son becomes much higher quality because it is more limited; I am less inclined to read a book while he watches TV and more inclined to interact with him because I haven’t seen him all day.

Being grateful for your life now doesn’t mean that you’ll waste away in your contentment and never strive for more. It will allow you to appreciate what you’ve got and that in turn will make the grass look and feel much greener… on your side. Think about the areas of your life where you’re feeling like you want something totally different and weigh both situations (current and possible future). When we’re in the grass is greener mentality we see only the bad things about our current situation and only the great things about the other. Force yourself to view the two situations in a more balanced way before you truly decide if the grass is really greener on the other side.

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