Platonic relationships with the opposite sex can be incredibly fulfilling and rewarding. Some of my best friends have been men. Many people debate the idea that a man and a woman can have a true friendship; with nothing else in the mix. I’ve learned now that while I still think it’s possible, it really depends on the two people involved. I have experienced both success and failure.

I have been friends with a guy that I’ve known for a few years now. We’ve always been very close and he’s a wonderful guy. Through the years he has made it known to me that his feelings went beyond friendship, but I never acted on them. While I don’t want to say that I know for sure, I speculate that the feelings started very early on in our friendship. Our friendship didn’t suffer from this really, with the exception of a few moments here or there where I was uncomfortable.

A few months ago, I began to notice my feelings changing for him, and I said something to him about it. We ended up on a week-long journey of casual dating and by the end of that week I had realized that I had made a terrible mistake risking our friendship. He and I were not a good match. Our difference in age (he is 8 years younger than me) and difference in emotional placement in life would not allow us to have a healthy relationship. I ended things and explained truthfully to him why I felt that this could not work. We tried to go back to being friends, but many things were different.

Moving beyond friendship was a point of no return- for both of us. For me, I can no longer be his friend and stay “blissfully ignorant” to his feelings, and for him it seems difficult to shut the door that was opened when we dated for that week. The question is, was this ever truly platonic? Could it have ever been or remained that way? I believe that as far and he and I are concerned, sooner or later it would have happened (because he’s a wonderful person) but the conclusion would have been the same. Whether I choose to regret it or not, I wouldn’t know the things I know had I not made the choice to try a more intimate relationship.

I don’t deny that he is a wonderful person; he is one of the most caring and compassionate people I’ve ever met, but unfortunately you can’t choose who you love, or who you don’t. I have no doubt that he will make someone very happy in life; unfortunately, that just isn’t going to be me.

The answer to my question, whether or not platonic relationships are possible… I suppose that I think now that they are and can be, but maybe not forever. Isn’t it likely that if two people spend enough time together, one of them is bound to develop feelings beyond friendship? I think it’s probable, and maybe that isn’t a bad thing. Maybe that is just part of the journey; part of the experience you are meant to have with that person. Maybe if you’re lucky that friendship turns into something wonderful for both of you, but if not take what you can from the experience and apply what you’ve learned.

I can in many ways thank my friend. Because of this experience I realize that I want some specific things with the next relationship that I get into, and more importantly I learned that I am strong enough to make the right choice for me and be patient for what I want.

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