Gone are the days of the old mall arcades, but that’s where it all started for me. Anytime my Dad was watching me, we would sneak away to that old arcade. He would give me a handful of quarters to keep me busy and off we would go into the darkness. I would play Galaga and Gauntlet until I was out and then go back for more. As long as 1943, Space Invadors and the like were available, my Dad would continue to feed me quarters so that he could get his fix.

Then we got an Atari. As soon as it was on the market it was in our living room. We would sit on the floor for hours playing Pacman, Missile Command, Defender… if it was available for Atari we would play it. Eventually the Atari evolved into the first Nintendo, then computers and well… here we are in the days of Halo3. I have always been a computer gamer. For reasons I can’t explain, both my Dad and I have always preferred computer to console. I supposed I am that way because I already have a computer, so all I have to do is purchase the games (I can write-off all the upgrade expenses because I use the computer for my job). With consoles, it’s a never ending sea of upgrades and newer units and frankly I can’t afford another toy.

If I sit down to play a game, I might as well take vacation time from work. I don’t sleep, I don’t eat. Nearly all life functions cease to exist outside the world of my game. I forget who I am, for now I am a Thief, a Hero, or an Adventurer. It’s like heroine to me, and once I start everything else can easily take a backseat to it. Just one more level… then I’ll go to bed. I swear its genetic (if you could see what happens to my son when he turns on a game, you would agree with me)! If you could see my Dad’s gaming machine (dedicated solely to that purpose) you would drool… well, if you were a gamer anyway. I might be able to blame my Dad for the genes, but I can’t blame him for my lack of control.

I have had to learn to manage this addiction. I first had to acknowledge to myself that I have an addictive personality. It is not only with games that this happens to me. It happened with cigarettes, espresso, skydiving… it can happen with anything really if I put enough of my energy into it. One thing I’ve learned about myself is that it’s either ALL or NOTHING. I can’t just smoke once in a while, or just a few each day. I’m either a serious smoker or I’m not. Games are the same. I can’t play an hour here or an hour there. Not possible. I must win. I must succeed. I must find the artifact or the alien or the ship that is preparing to launch a nuclear strike against the human race. How at a time like that, could I go to sleep or work… or eat??? I have to save the world, people!

Since moderation is key and I apparently lack the ability to self-moderate I’ve gone to something completely different. I have stopped buying games (ok… lets be honest here. I’ve stopped buying games on a regular basis. It’s a once in a while, hope I get one for a gift kinda thing), and the ones I do have I play and then uninstall them so that I won’t go back to play it again. I force myself to stop once I’ve completed the game and I don’t return until withdrawal is complete and I’ve gone back to a normal life. When I do decide to play a game, I resign myself to the fact that this little box of goodness is going to be my life for the next week (or longer). I accept that I will be sleep deprived; that I’ll be drinking WAY too much coffee to stay up and that I will miss out on other things until it’s completed. I also avoid buying new releases… ever. That’s not easy… I followed the Halo3 release with a fervor that you cannot possibly imagine. But I didn’t buy. I was a good girl. And now that it’s passed, the only torture I endure comes during NFL Halo3 commercials. I get goosebumps… but I survive.

Staying in control of our weaknesses is necessary to achieve balance. Before I began to force myself to take breaks in between game “sessions” I literally would stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning every night. I was tired… but more importantly I was missing out on real life! When we allow our vices to take control, we lose sight of what’s happening now and what matters now. Being in control not only allows you to find balance, but it is empowering. There is something amazing that happens when you look at something that you would never say no to, and you turn around and walk away. Suddenly, you have faith in yourself. You believe in your ability to achieve whatever you want. Something as simple as saying no to a game, to a piece of pie, to a person’s invitation can give you empowerment and pride; in turn it can evolve into the power you need to achieve your dreams.

Never deny yourself your vices completely. Err… unless it’s heroine or something sketchy like that. Give yourself the things that bring you joy, but make sure you balance them against the other aspects of your life. Stay in control and your ability to achieve is endless. Oh, just so you know, I am in the closet… lets face it. There aren’t a lot of girlfriends out there who will understand ditching a shopping trip to sit in front of a computer and shoot bad guys. It’s not much of a secret now though. I suppose today’s post is my coming out party.

Hello. My name is Bluskygirl and I am a Gamer. I have been game-free now for… ummm… well, since I woke up this morning to go to work. 

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