While I am sure there will be things of more substance than this to write about in the future, I have to say that I have been gone from this place too long. Of course I still have a million things zipping through my Google Reader everyday; I am still fully entrenched in the blog world; I just haven’t been contributing for a while. I was (and still am) having a little bit of an identity crisis.

I know why I blog and why I read them. I want to feel connected and understood. That is to say, I am looking for ideas and connections with people to help me achieve my personal growth goals in life. So, I found myself asking “how can I blog and contribute the very thing I am myself looking for”? I felt a little bit like the “man behind the curtain” because many days I sat down to blog and felt completely lost in the craziness of life. I myself was (and will always be) a work in progress. What occurred to me though is that is the perpetual motion of personal growth. No self-respecting personal growth enthusiast, writer or reader could say they were an “expert” on the subject, because the very idea of person improvement is a life-long continuous process.

So, I have stayed away from writing because I simply did not know what to write about anymore. That said, I find my fingers itch to write and to be a contributor again. So tonight, I’m writing just to be here; a contributing (albeit ranting) member of the blogosphere. I suppose that the things that are most on my mind these days are the things that are most worth writing about; in life we are all connected and maybe the things that I struggle with can help others find the same answers to life that I seek.

I once wrote a post about making life changes when you’re in a “rut”.Although it is one of my favorite posts and I feel very connected to it, I recently awoke from my sleepwalking life to find myself in a rut. It happens to me when I get too busy with all the bullshit of everyday life to remember the bigger picture of, “how can I be a better person every day?”. And, naturally, I get so busy with everyday life (what am I going to feed the boys for dinner? Do I have time to go to the gym? Did my son get his homework done?) that I  am not ever present enough in the moment to realize it. So, I guess that is what I want to write about. How I can grow and change and find a way to be a better person today than I was yesterday. A better Mother, friend, sister, daughter, employee, lover and human being? That is the ultimate journey of my life.

So, I expect I will find myself here much more often, spewing out ideas and thoughts. It’s not answers to life that I wish to provide here, but rather a sounding board that can initiate that answers to come from anyone who reads this blog.

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