What happened in our recent “evolution” to cause us not only to expect things now, but to feel like we can’t survive if we have to wait for good things to come to us? Instant Gratification. I suffer from it and it’s something that I’m always fighting with because I realize how much disharmony is created in my life because of it.
It happens with everything.. for most of us, right? I mean, you see something you want, you have to have it now. Maybe it’s a car you can’t quite afford. No problem. I’ll just finance! Maybe it’s a dream job. Because some of us don’t have it NOW, we spend endless amounts of time complaining about the job we do have. Or we jump from job to job without thinking things through. Maybe it’s the need to be skinny-minny. The diet-pill market is flourishing because of our inability to set a goal and work towards it. That’s the problem. It’s the idea that we shouldn’t have to work for it. We just want it now. We don’t want to have to save money, or exercise everyday, or work hard at our jobs and learn the skills we’ll nee
d for that dream job. No way! We want it NOW.
I’ve mentioned before my feelings about the consumerism and commercialism in the world today and how it teaches us to think this way. It’s advantageous for them if we think we can get everything we want without effort or cost. Problem is, our instant gratification which must be satiated, only ends up hurting us and our long term goals in the process.
I personally, am not sure that I’m in a career situation where I want to be long term; however, I also know there a multitude of skills that I can acquire where I’m at. If I were to be upset, anxious, and bitchy over the fact that I’m not in my dream job I then sabotage my ability to improve myself now. Similarly, if I rush out and take the first job I find that’s different than the one I’m in, I have no idea what I’m getting. In the end, trying to achieve that dream job NOW sabotage’s my ability to go out and get it later. Same with the dieter. No matter how many pills and potions you try, none of them really work or we would all be skinny. That said, taking all those things only serve to reinforce in the dieter’s mind that he/she doesn’t really have to eat right and exercise to lose weight. In the end, it sabotage’s the possibility for progress which will not only provide results, but teach proper habits.
So, while I recognize the problem, and I have my own opinion about how we got here, that leaves me with the question of How do we Get Out of this? Because this has been something that I have been thinking about often for a long time, I will tell you that there are some things that I try to ask myself to re-train myself not to think this way. Instead of Instant Gratification, I think of it as Mindful Achievement; obtaining something you want in life through mindful planning and presence; you know, working towards something.
- I am spoiled. I have everything I could ever possibly need and more. Chances are, you’re just like me if you have internet and can read this! Put yourself in some perspective and think about people in other places in the world without clean drinking water, food, shelter and electricity. Kinda makes that second ipod (“I have a 4 gb, but an 8gb sure would be nice) seem a little less important, right?
- What are my goals in life? Remind yourself what is truly important to you. This may be world peace, it may be your morning espresso. Whatever it is, be sure that you know what those things are so that when the itch to have anything NOW arises, you can easily assess whether or not it is part of those goals. If it isn’t, then it’s a lot easier to just plain walk away from it.
- Do I really want/need that? If the answer is yes, then what is the best approach to obtain it? Maybe it’s saving up money, maybe it’s doing some research on nutrition. Whatever the case may be, make a plan.
- What is the Personal Cost to me if I decide that I can’t wait to have this? For example, buying something you can’t afford because you don’t want to wait and save up for it means you’ll be paying interest. Maybe you quit a good, secure job for something different (but not quite right) because you thought it would resolve your restlessness in your career, only to realize that you traded job security for a career question mark. Force yourself to see that there is a down-side to instant gratification. While you’re at it, think about how great it will feel to achieve something without looking for the “easy way”.
- Instant Gratification is Temporary! I won’t deny, it can be a great feeling when you get something that you want so badly… it’s almost a rush if you allow yourself to believe you need it. Problem is, that rush fades away. Quite often, you’re left with something you hadn’t thought of. A loan you can’t afford, pills that make you sick, or a job that isn’t what you had in mind.
Change is never easy. It takes constant presence and awareness to prevent your brain from falling into familiar patterns. Finding ways to achieve the goals you want without the added costs that come with having to obtain something NOW will reward you with time, money, patience, and pride. Once you’ve stepped through the process a few times, and felt the reward of mindful achievement, you won’t want to go back.
Image from: http://www.conciseguidelines.com
I have known for sometime that I am not quite where I want to be. I visualize a path… my path, and I can see it so perfectly in my mind. It is beautiful, harmonious, peaceful and full of joy. I am not on that path. I have somehow deviated from it, and so while I see it just to the left of me, I am trudging my way through thick brush, mud, and ducking out of the way of low hanging branches. I think everyone has a path… a flow of life that is in harmony with their soul. I believe that if you are on that path, life is a wonderful journey. Will there be the inevitable “downed tree” or pot hole on your path, of course, but that’s a lot better than tree bashing and fighting through the whole journey. Some people are fortunate and find their way early in life. Other people don’t find it until they’ve been on the wrong one long enough to realize where they are. Sadly, I have known people who appear as though they’ll never find what they’re looking for. It’s easy to get distracted and caught up and busy and ___ and pretty soon you don’t even know how you got to where you are. Think about a college degree. How many people do you know who work in their chosen degree field? I don’t know very many. I think it’s difficult to know what your path is when you’re 18, 19, or 20. I mean, my priority at that point in my life was making it to the weekend so I could party, and I’m pretty sure that isn’t my life path.
I work in the environmental industry, and it happens to be my chosen field. However, my intentions for using my degree are not even close to what I’m actually doing with them. I had this grandiose plan to be a field research scientist, studying rivers and fresh water systems, improving ways to utilize technology that would help to preserve this precious resource. Really, I wanted to wake up everyday and feel like I was doing something to better the world; something that went beyond boosting the economy. My job, which I will say that I am grateful for (it’s really a good job), does not leave me with the feeling that I’ve produced something meaningful. The most meaningful thing that is produced by my current employment is a paycheck. To me, that’s just uninspiring.
So how do you know if you’ve lost your way? Well, besides the resounding “off” feeling that you might carry around with you,
- The snooze bar is your best friend. Think about it, have you ever in your life overslept on a Saturday when you were going to leave for vacation, or heading up for a day of surfing or snowboarding? Probably not. When we are excited and passionate about what we’re doing, nothing will keep us from beginning each day.
- Your input is questionable. How many of you say you give your current career 100%- day in and day out? I can honestly say that while often I am assigned a project that lights a fire under me, there are other times when I am just skating through the day, trying to make it to the end so I can go home. Again, if we are passionate about what we’re doing, we give it everything we’ve got.
- You do it for the money. In today’s money-focused world, it’s difficult for anyone to say they don’t work for the money. Still, there are people out there who do what they do because they love it, and they would do it regardless of what it paid them.
- You question your purpose. Have you ever looked at the function of your job on a larger scale… the worldly scale? Can you look at your job, a job you devote a precious 250 days out of each year and say that what you provide to the world is worth that much of your life? It’s kind of a scary way to look at it, but it is the reality of a career. Shouldn’t it be worth giving that much of your life to?
- You don’t need no stinking path. Otherwise known as denial. Sometimes I think we can get so far astray that it becomes easier to tell ourselves that the current situation is fine. Maybe it’s not exactly what we have envisioned for our life, but it provides a paycheck and allows time for shopping and football. It’s good enough… forget the path and just make the best of this one. If you find yourself feeling this way, you’re making excuses and therefore avoiding the necessary change to bring yourself full circle.
Why is this important? Beyond the joy of doing something everyday that inspires you (whether it’s helping the world or not), finding your path can increase your success. I truly believe that the most successful people in life are where they are because they’re following their path… their path has the least resistance to happiness, income, love and everything else.
I think we often find our path again during times of great hardship. When things are ok… when the status quo is functioning, it’s much harder to put yourself out there and decide to turn your life upsidedown. Whether it’s a job or a relationship, it’s easier to just get by with the way things are because what’s familiar seems safe and easy. But, when things have already gone haywire, readjusting your direction to get back on the right path doesn’t seem like such a stretch. This week, I was warned that lay offs are a possibility in the near future. I was so scared earlier this week, but as days have passed I’ve realized that if I were to get laid off, I would utilize it as an opportunity to discover something new. Just the idea has made me rethink some things about life. I came to realize that much of what I’m doing every day is just fulfilling the status quo, and that’s not exactly what I had in mind. I’m not talking about leaving my job per se, but I am talking about spending some time to reflect on what aspects of my life can be improved so that I can begin to travel the path of least resistance again.
If you find yourself relating to the 5 tips, it might be time to examine what you want our of your life, and whether you’ve somehow ended up off-track. Only you know where your path is in relation to your current direction; it’s up to you change course.
Do you know what your worth? Do you think that what you’re earning at your current job is equal or more than your worth? If you don’t know, here are some tips to figure it out.
- Go to a website, such as salary.com (there are other choices, too). Use one of the calculators to determine what the “going rate” is for your job in your city. Compare this to your salary.
- If you’re below the mean for your position, consider going to your boss with this information and ask for a raise. You determine your worth, not your boss! Check out this article on Forbes on tips for asking for a pay raise if you need some help.
- If you fall near or above the mean, than so far so good! The next step is to examine other aspects of your job. Things to consider include:
- Distance from home… i.e. how much time to you spend driving to and from work? How much gas and wear and tear on your car does it cost you? Write this down in two columns; one for cost related stuff, and another for hours.
- Job related expenses. We’re talking about things like expensive clothes, shoes, briefcases, etc. that you have to have to conform to work policies. Add them up (both hours spent and money) and add this info to your worksheet.
- Food. If you bring your lunch you’re probable doing better than most. But you also need to factor in business lunches if they’re not paid for by the company, coffee trips, etc.
- Decompression. If your job is stressful, how many hours each day are required to decompress when you come home? Write these hours in your spreadsheet.
- Overtime. How many hours per week do you work that you don’t get paid for? Write it down.
- Fitness/health. If you work a desk job, chances are you incur expenses for a gym membership to keep in shape. Yeah, this might not seem like a cost related to your job… however, many of us would not choose to sit our asses all day, but we do because we have to. If you fit this description, factor in the time used to go the gym and your weekly cost associated with a gym membership.
- Depending on your job, there might be other things to consider as well, but I’ll leave that up to you to sort out.
- Now, add up your 40 normal hours plus the drive time, overtime, shopping for clothes, decompression time, etc. and figure out on average how many hours you spend each week on work. You will likely be shocked at the number of hours… they’ll be way above 40.
- Next, take your monthly salary (use your take home… after taxes have been taken out), divide by four to get your average weekly salary. Divide that number by the number of hours you just computed above. This is your real hourly wage. It can be a shocking discovery. I learned that while I make over $20/hour, my actual wage is around $8/hour.
So, the next step if for you to decide if you think you’re worth this wage. Consider how much money you spend just to keep your job (obviously this was already factored into your real wage). Is it worth it? If you really like your job, look for ways to cut costs. Move closer to work if you can. Ask to work from home one day a week. Start bringing coffee and food for lunches from home. If you’re not that attached to your current job, now’s your chance to make a change. Find a job that has a good salary, is close to wear you live and has other perks… (like no dress-code or no required overtime, for instance). Regardless of whether this changes anything for you, looking at your job in this light will make you more aware of everything you do. Like I said before, no one but ourselves can determine our worth; if you’re not making what you believe you’re worth, than it is within your power to change that for the better.
This method came from a book called Your Money or Your Life, by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin. It’s a great book, and goes into far more detail than I have presented here. I would recommend the book to anyone looking to improve their life and their finances.
Sometimes when looking for our purpose, it’s best to look back rather than forward. Think about what you wanted to do when you were a kid. What was it that you dreamed of being able to do when you became an adult? For myself, I first wanted to be the lady at the circus who rode the white horse standing up (circa 5 or 6 years old), then it was a Navy fighter pilot (circa 9-18 years). The latter dream I followed intensely most of my childhood. In the end I elected not to go the Naval Academy and I think it was good choice. When I think about why I wanted to be a fighter pilot, it was the plane and nothing else. I wanted to fly a fast, maneuverable plane that could do amazing things in the sky. I didn’t, per se, want to shoot people down (I’m a lover not a fighter). Now, as an adult, the two most prominent features of my life (outside of my kids and career of course) are my love of animals and skydiving. I’ve always had a house filled with animals… usually enough to make it feel like a zoo without it being nasty (currently that equates to three cats and a Saint Bernard in my townhome). Before I started skydiving, I volunteered at a stable as a trail guide. My love for animals in general (horses in particular) is still present in my adult life. As far as skydiving goes, it doesn’t take a genius to make the connection to fighter jets. I get to do the things I would have done in a jet, but I do it with my body instead. Sure, I’ll never go Mach 2 or 3, but believe me when I say I’m not getting shortchanged by going 120 miles per hour flying my body.
Look back to your childhood for some insight if you’re trying to figure out what to do with the rest of your life. The passions in your life that have stood the test of time (and of growing up!) are the things that you will likely always love. I am a true believer that if you’re doing what you love, you will find success and wealth and all the things that you want in life.
So, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Are you burned out? Running on empty at work? Do you get to work and count the minutes you’ve been there, waiting to leave? Job burnout is pretty common, and cnn.com has a great article on how to identify if you’re in burnout. Why does this happen to us? How do we get burned out? Consider the fact that American’s work longer hours and take/receive fewer vacation hours than other developing countries. One in three American workers are chronically overworked and report job stress. Not only are our jobs increasingly more demanding, but often times we are “encouraged” to work more than the standard 40-hour week. 40% of people say they work at least 50 hours per week, if not more. It’s no wonder were burned out! I was discussing this with a co-worked today and she said that she had heard a story about how 40 years ago they estimated that with all the new technological advancements, our workweek’s would be shortened to 25 hours per week. So, what happened??? How is it that technology made things worse? Alas, we are here… In the age of technology and workaholics. You know what’s even scarier?
For the fifth consecutive year in a row — a Bush record — the average American’s income remained below what it was in 2000. (See below for the link to this article)
So, that’s what we get for working our asses off. We are the only industrialized nation that doesn’t have a law defining a set amount of annual leave for employees. Wanna know what employees of other nations get? Take a deep breath and sit down first.
France leads the world with 30 days off a year. Employees in Britain, German, Australia, Spain and Sweden have 20 or more days off a year, and Canada and Japan have 10 days off, about the same as some American corporations allow their workers. The Chinese get three weeks off a year, and this is only the legally mandated vacation time. Many employees in other countries take six or more weeks off a year (the French average 39 days and the English 24).
In my own life, I have experienced burnout many times, and often I think it is a result of not having enough time away from work to recharge. I had a job a few years ago that allowed one sick day every 6 months. Yeah, right. I have kids. That is in impossibility for me. So, I would typically have to use what little vacation time I had to take care of my family. That left me with no time for an actual vacation. In jobs that I’ve worked at since then, the vacation time is better, but there is this “idea” that is silently pushed that if you want to succeed, more than 40 hours a week is expected. My bonuses right now depend on it, actually. It’s the new standard now. If you want to succeed or rise up the corporate ladder you must work more than 40 hours a week, but agree to only get paid for 40. Sorry, Charlie. That will never work for me. I would rather give up my stinkin’ bonuses than have to work for free. I’m worth more than that; my time is worth more than that.
What are the signs of burnout? If you find yourself edgy at work, drained and fatigued; or you catch yourself trying to figure out ways to get out of work a little early each day, you are probably experiencing some form of “work fry”. It happens to everyone, and obviously there is good reason. One good way to resolve this problem is to use your vacation! I can’t remember the exact statistic, but many Americans never take more than one week off at a time. I can relate to this, because typically I end up using some of my vacation time for sick children and myself (because of course, we don’t get enough sick time). If you can take two weeks off, do it. It can recharge your system and hopefully stop the burnout all together. And if for some reason your burnout stems from boredom or unhappiness about where you work, than you owe it to yourself to fix it.
Here are some additional resources if you would like to read more about job burnout and the loss of the American vacation.
- Alternet has an article on American vacations vs. vacations in other developed countries.
- The Shrinking American Vacation… need I say more?
- Read the Labor Day Report Card over at the Huffington Post. Interesting stuff.
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