This is an older post that I felt was relevant this week. I think, generally speaking, this advice still holds true.

Valentine’s Day is tricky. It’s not A trick, but it is tricky. Do you get something, or don’t you? If you do, will it be taken the wrong way? If you don’t, will he/she be offended or hurt? I think that a lot of that depends on the status of your relationship, but generally speaking there are a few things that should never be given, no matter what.

1. Anything that you know you like more than him/her. So, don’t buy your girlfriend an HDTV if you’re the one who watches it.
2. Things that insinuate sex. Its no fun to realize that the gift you got is less about you and more about a certain activity. Unless of course you’re a guy, and then its probably okay.
3. A house utility. I don’t care if he’s been talking about a new lawn mower all year, or if she bitches about the vacuum cleaner every week, don’t do it.
4. A box of chocolates. You might as well just say, “I didn’t really put any thought into you this year honey. Love you!”
5. Any high ticket items. That is just silly. Say I love you for real, instead of with your paycheck for the next 3 years.
6. A pet. Nothing says I love you like a lifetime responsibility of vet visits, poop, and obedience school.
7. Singing telegram. No one really wants to be embarrassed at work. Really.
8. Perfume or cologne. This seems like a nice idea, but no one wants to feel obligated to wear some expensive stuff that they think smells like an old lady in an elevator.
9. Exercise equipment. This one I think needs no explanation.
10. A card with a promise for something later. Again, this seems like a great idea, but you better actually BUY the thing for later (e.g. a gift certificate for a hotel stay on the beach). If you promise it for later, and there’s no “proof”, it’ll end up to be one of those things that never happened. The expectation of something only to have it not happen is almost worse than getting nothing at all.

So, I hope all of you out there with significant other have a good Valentine’s Day. To all of you who don’t, after reading this list, you can revel in how uncomplicated your life is.

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Often we think that to succeed at any of our goals, all of the different pieces of that goal must be achieved at one fell swoop. That isn’t the case, and often times, greater success can be achieved by simply focusing on one thing at a time.

So, for today, think about one of your goals, identify the different pieces of it, and pick one thing. If its losing weight, it might be that today you’re going to give up soft drinks. If its a financial goal, today might be the day you give up online shopping. Who knows. The key here is action. As long as you take some action, you’re making progress. If you spend all of your time waiting for the right moment to implement the entire “strategy”, it might never happen.

So, make it happen for yourself. What will be the One Thing that you do different today?

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Too many of us chug away in our daily lives, waiting for that “moment” that will force our hand to make a change that we desperately need. We think, “I can’t quit my job because..”, or “I can’t dive into this new hobby because…”. How about this one, “Once X happens, I’ll be able to do Y”. Any of these sound familiar? They are to me, because I am a master of telling myself all of these things.

What’s important to remember, that every time you use this mode of thinking, you’re not driving your car. You are not in control of the life you are living. Maybe its simply chance that is controlling your life, maybe its your job or your family, but it isn’t you.

Being the Driver of your life means making choices, based upon what you want out of life. Maybe you don’t know what you want. That was my problem for years. Because I wasn’t sure what path I wanted to take, I used the excuse of having to support my family to stay in a job that didn’t make me happy. I told myself I didn’t have time to make any changes, and so I stayed plugged into a system that was bad for me… my life, my soul, my joy.

Sure, being the passenger means that you don’t have to do much. You can pay little or no attention to the road and the direction you’re headed. Problem is, you have no say in where you’re going and where you’ll end up. Since in real life (outside of the driving analogy) there isn’t another “person” driving the car, you’re essentially allowing the vehicle of your life to wander around with absolutely no direction. If you’re unhappy, going in a direction you don’t like, or feel like you’ve lost what the whole “point” was to your life, you need to stop the car, get out and get behind the wheel.

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Here’s where I would start:

• Get yourself a book or some kind of guide to start the process of thinking about what is important to you. What do you value in life, what brings you the most joy?
• Figure out what aspects of your life bring you the least amount of joy. For me, it was sitting in an office by myself all day with no human interaction and zero movement.
• Now, outline what parts of your life apply to the “bringing you joy” department and figure out how you can build off of them. If you like to garden, figure out how you can do that more, either as a volunteer somewhere or as a part-time job, for example.
• As for the things that are not bringing you joy, how can you eliminate them from your life? Can you quit your job? Seek therapy for a bad relationship? Whatever the case may be, make a plan for how you can leave that aspect of your life in the dust.
• Make a 5-year plan. There are good books out there to help you. The 5-year plan should include not just career goals or relationship goals, but goals related to your health, fitness, finances, and hobbies.

Next time you find yourself thinking that you’ll “just wait until…” or “I can’t do this now because…”, remind yourself that you are sitting in the passenger seat. Then, move the #!&% over and start driving!

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