So, I was at the gym last night, and as I was running a Black Eyed Peas song (Where is the Love?) came on my MP3 player. I hadn’t heard it in a while (my player’s on random for running purposes) and there was a section of lyrics that really expressed the way I’m feeling about our world… well, my country for the most part. I thought I would share them with you.

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I’m gettin’ older, y’all, people get colder
Most of us only care about money makin’
Selfishness got us followin’ our own direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids act like what they see in the cinema
Yo’, whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead in spreading love we spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
That’s the reason why sometimes I’m feelin’ under
That’s the reason why sometimes I’m feelin’ down
There’s no wonder why sometimes I’m feelin’ under
Gotta keep my faith alive to lovers bound

If you aren’t familiar with this song, or you just want to listen to it (I will admit, the lyrics are better heard than read), go here.

I’m really left just wondering how to change a movement in society that seems so different and contradictory to how I feel life should be. I guess the positive thing is that I’m not alone; if I was there wouldn’t be songs like this that I could relate to.

Somewhere I’ve heard an expression… I can’t remember it exactly, but it basically says that individual people are smart; it’s only in large numbers that we’re stupid. I agree with that. As an individual, I think many of us see the same problems and issues and wish something would change. But when you look at us as a whole… as a society, we create the problems and issues everyday. What we think on our own doesn’t manifest itself in society as a whole. I believe it’s a problem of disconnection between us all. As the song says, we’re all on this trip of selfishness, going our own way. If you think about it, we’re really all trying to go the same way. We all want the same thing: happiness.

The Dali Lama talks about having compassion for others regardless of what they might have done in their life to you or to others. He says the key to finding compassion like that is to break things down to the most essential element- that we are all human beings. I hope that just as “going green” has taken hold, we will someday take hold of living with compassion, love and respect for each other.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

Gone are the days of the old mall arcades, but that’s where it all started for me. Anytime my Dad was watching me, we would sneak away to that old arcade. He would give me a handful of quarters to keep me busy and off we would go into the darkness. I would play Galaga and Gauntlet until I was out and then go back for more. As long as 1943, Space Invadors and the like were available, my Dad would continue to feed me quarters so that he could get his fix.

Then we got an Atari. As soon as it was on the market it was in our living room. We would sit on the floor for hours playing Pacman, Missile Command, Defender… if it was available for Atari we would play it. Eventually the Atari evolved into the first Nintendo, then computers and well… here we are in the days of Halo3. I have always been a computer gamer. For reasons I can’t explain, both my Dad and I have always preferred computer to console. I supposed I am that way because I already have a computer, so all I have to do is purchase the games (I can write-off all the upgrade expenses because I use the computer for my job). With consoles, it’s a never ending sea of upgrades and newer units and frankly I can’t afford another toy.

If I sit down to play a game, I might as well take vacation time from work. I don’t sleep, I don’t eat. Nearly all life functions cease to exist outside the world of my game. I forget who I am, for now I am a Thief, a Hero, or an Adventurer. It’s like heroine to me, and once I start everything else can easily take a backseat to it. Just one more level… then I’ll go to bed. I swear its genetic (if you could see what happens to my son when he turns on a game, you would agree with me)! If you could see my Dad’s gaming machine (dedicated solely to that purpose) you would drool… well, if you were a gamer anyway. I might be able to blame my Dad for the genes, but I can’t blame him for my lack of control.

I have had to learn to manage this addiction. I first had to acknowledge to myself that I have an addictive personality. It is not only with games that this happens to me. It happened with cigarettes, espresso, skydiving… it can happen with anything really if I put enough of my energy into it. One thing I’ve learned about myself is that it’s either ALL or NOTHING. I can’t just smoke once in a while, or just a few each day. I’m either a serious smoker or I’m not. Games are the same. I can’t play an hour here or an hour there. Not possible. I must win. I must succeed. I must find the artifact or the alien or the ship that is preparing to launch a nuclear strike against the human race. How at a time like that, could I go to sleep or work… or eat??? I have to save the world, people!

Since moderation is key and I apparently lack the ability to self-moderate I’ve gone to something completely different. I have stopped buying games (ok… lets be honest here. I’ve stopped buying games on a regular basis. It’s a once in a while, hope I get one for a gift kinda thing), and the ones I do have I play and then uninstall them so that I won’t go back to play it again. I force myself to stop once I’ve completed the game and I don’t return until withdrawal is complete and I’ve gone back to a normal life. When I do decide to play a game, I resign myself to the fact that this little box of goodness is going to be my life for the next week (or longer). I accept that I will be sleep deprived; that I’ll be drinking WAY too much coffee to stay up and that I will miss out on other things until it’s completed. I also avoid buying new releases… ever. That’s not easy… I followed the Halo3 release with a fervor that you cannot possibly imagine. But I didn’t buy. I was a good girl. And now that it’s passed, the only torture I endure comes during NFL Halo3 commercials. I get goosebumps… but I survive.

Staying in control of our weaknesses is necessary to achieve balance. Before I began to force myself to take breaks in between game “sessions” I literally would stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning every night. I was tired… but more importantly I was missing out on real life! When we allow our vices to take control, we lose sight of what’s happening now and what matters now. Being in control not only allows you to find balance, but it is empowering. There is something amazing that happens when you look at something that you would never say no to, and you turn around and walk away. Suddenly, you have faith in yourself. You believe in your ability to achieve whatever you want. Something as simple as saying no to a game, to a piece of pie, to a person’s invitation can give you empowerment and pride; in turn it can evolve into the power you need to achieve your dreams.

Never deny yourself your vices completely. Err… unless it’s heroine or something sketchy like that. Give yourself the things that bring you joy, but make sure you balance them against the other aspects of your life. Stay in control and your ability to achieve is endless. Oh, just so you know, I am in the closet… lets face it. There aren’t a lot of girlfriends out there who will understand ditching a shopping trip to sit in front of a computer and shoot bad guys. It’s not much of a secret now though. I suppose today’s post is my coming out party.

Hello. My name is Bluskygirl and I am a Gamer. I have been game-free now for… ummm… well, since I woke up this morning to go to work. 

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

Our most basic human goal outside of survival, is happiness. Everything we do is an attempt to enjoy our lives. A big part of happiness I think, is contentment. I’m not talking about complacency or apathy; rather, I am talking about being able to get through the day and feel peaceful about life. I am always striving to find balance to achieve contentment without becoming complacent in my life.

Contentment with continued growth is a difficult balance to strike; so much so that as soon as my life slows down and I find myself not worried or concerned about things, I have a tendency to take on a new responsibility. A new pet or hobby, is a good example. I think it’s a reaction of feeling as though since I’m not struggling, I am in danger of becoming stagnant. The thing is, I always end up with too much on my plate to devote an adequate amount of time to everything. Without boring you with the details, I can assure you, there are too many things for me to get done in an average day, and as a result, something always gets left behind. Lately it’s been the gym (sigh).

We often accumulate things in an effort to be happy. For some of us, it’s a weekly trip to the mall for new clothes, or a couple new games every month for the gamer. For others, it’s exercise classes, volunteer work, or a second job. The question is, at what point to all those things stop bringing you enjoyment, and instead make things more complicated?

A coworker said something to me yesterday that was the inspiration for this post. She said that during a recent retreat she went on, one of the speakers said that although we often try to fill our lives with things to achieve contentment, the real path to being content was to remove things from your life. It makes perfect sense doesn’t it? Removing aspects of your daily life that aren’t fulfilling you will ultimately make things simpler; in turn you will directly effect the level of complication you deal with each day. Eliminate complication and ah ha! You have contentment. It made me think about my life and how I have over complicated each day by trying to fit in more than I can handle. I would love to simplify my life by removing some of the most unpleasant things (like extra jobs I do here and there for extra money), but sometimes those things are a requirement for our current situation, so this “life purge” is sometimes easier said than done.

Maybe the trick is simplifying your life by taking the steps necessary to allow you to remove the things you want. For me, it would be changing my spending habits and resolving some debt so that I won’t have to do any of that pesky side work. In your own life, think about all of the things you do each day, and ask yourself if each one of them is fulfilling you, and bringing you joy. If it isn’t, then why is it there? How can you make some changes in your daily life to get rid of it?

I truly believe my friend’s right; in this case, less is definitely more. Identify what you don’t want in your life and get rid of it! Continue this purge process until you feel content with your life; every one of us will experience contentment at a different moment. For some of us, we might only have to release one thing, for many of us it will be more.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

Platonic relationships with the opposite sex can be incredibly fulfilling and rewarding. Some of my best friends have been men. Many people debate the idea that a man and a woman can have a true friendship; with nothing else in the mix. I’ve learned now that while I still think it’s possible, it really depends on the two people involved. I have experienced both success and failure.

I have been friends with a guy that I’ve known for a few years now. We’ve always been very close and he’s a wonderful guy. Through the years he has made it known to me that his feelings went beyond friendship, but I never acted on them. While I don’t want to say that I know for sure, I speculate that the feelings started very early on in our friendship. Our friendship didn’t suffer from this really, with the exception of a few moments here or there where I was uncomfortable.

A few months ago, I began to notice my feelings changing for him, and I said something to him about it. We ended up on a week-long journey of casual dating and by the end of that week I had realized that I had made a terrible mistake risking our friendship. He and I were not a good match. Our difference in age (he is 8 years younger than me) and difference in emotional placement in life would not allow us to have a healthy relationship. I ended things and explained truthfully to him why I felt that this could not work. We tried to go back to being friends, but many things were different.

Moving beyond friendship was a point of no return- for both of us. For me, I can no longer be his friend and stay “blissfully ignorant” to his feelings, and for him it seems difficult to shut the door that was opened when we dated for that week. The question is, was this ever truly platonic? Could it have ever been or remained that way? I believe that as far and he and I are concerned, sooner or later it would have happened (because he’s a wonderful person) but the conclusion would have been the same. Whether I choose to regret it or not, I wouldn’t know the things I know had I not made the choice to try a more intimate relationship.

I don’t deny that he is a wonderful person; he is one of the most caring and compassionate people I’ve ever met, but unfortunately you can’t choose who you love, or who you don’t. I have no doubt that he will make someone very happy in life; unfortunately, that just isn’t going to be me.

The answer to my question, whether or not platonic relationships are possible… I suppose that I think now that they are and can be, but maybe not forever. Isn’t it likely that if two people spend enough time together, one of them is bound to develop feelings beyond friendship? I think it’s probable, and maybe that isn’t a bad thing. Maybe that is just part of the journey; part of the experience you are meant to have with that person. Maybe if you’re lucky that friendship turns into something wonderful for both of you, but if not take what you can from the experience and apply what you’ve learned.

I can in many ways thank my friend. Because of this experience I realize that I want some specific things with the next relationship that I get into, and more importantly I learned that I am strong enough to make the right choice for me and be patient for what I want.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

I have always believed that age is a state of mind. I know 20-somethings that sit around and watch TV all day long, and I know an 82-year old who still comes out to the dropzone every weekend to make a skydive (His name is Jim, and he’s my hero). That is my proof. So, instead of thinking about how old I am in terms of my physical age, I try to look at my youth in terms of my experiences. How I choose to live my life determines my youth, but that doesn’t mean I want to go back to the days of all night keg parties and waking up to strangers passed out in my bathtub (Sadly, this was once my life).

My Mom and Dad split up sometime in 1983-1984. I don’t remember exactly when, but I do remember hanging out at my Dad’s apartment. We watched MTV and listened to Van Halen’s 1984 all the time. It was cool. My Dad was young. Somehow over the course of time, my Dad isn’t young like that any more. He listens to smooth jazz now; he takes bubble baths; and he falls asleep in his chair when we’re visiting… a lot. Don’t misunderstand me. My Dad is and will always be one of the coolest people I know and I love every thing about him. But watching him change as I have grown, makes me wonder: How does it happen? How do you go from jamming out to rockin’ music to living in a perpetual elevator? Can this be prevented, because if so, I want the answer!

Being young is a mindset. It’s thinking more about now, and less about tomorrow. It’s about believing that what is most important is happiness, and not the daily grind, taxes or laundry. It’s so difficult not to get caught up in all of that, I certainly catch myself there all the time. You know what saves me more often than not? My kids.

I look at my kids and I allow myself to be reminded how much fun it is to be young. When we go to our park, I watch them play and fight the urge to yell out, “Don’t get any of that mud on your clothes”. I stop myself because… is mud really so bad? Isn’t it just wet dirt? Shouldn’t enjoyment be more important than whether or not clothes get dirty? Why is it that when we grow up, we forget the little things like this? Maybe it’s because we only see the work involved in cleaning up the mud, or maybe it’s because we’ve forgotten that fun is what it’s all about. Losing sight of “fun” is the same as losing your youth. To me, they’re one in the same. It’s not as if we don’t have fun as grown ups, but instead of fun being priority… being the impetus for every choice we make, it becomes something we do when everything else is taken care of.

Here’s another way of looking at it. If tomorrow was going to be your last day on Earth, what would you do? I can tell you I wouldn’t go to work tomorrow, that’s the first thing. I realize we all have responsibilities to keep, and so you can’t just live everyday like it was your last no matter how great it sounds. But, to recognize the things that you love so much that you would spend your last moments on Earth doing them is like opening a door to your youth. So, what would you do? I would go hiking with my kids and then I would skydive (Yes, I know. Big surprise). Whatever your answer is, figure out a way to incorporate that into your life, and MAKE time for it. Don’t do it only when and if you have available time and money. MAKE it happen.

One other piece of advice that prevents us from staying young- Forget about the end point. Just forget about it. So many people stop doing things they love because they start thinking more about the “end” and less about the “now”. How many people do you know who have given up something they love because they have become overly cautious about protecting their life? I know many. Here’s where skydiving comes into play again. There’s is nothing more effective at reminding you of your impermanence here than jumping out of a plane. It brings the rest of life into perspective. We are all here temporarily; some of us will live to a ripe “young” age, and others may die tomorrow in a freak accident. You never know, so thinking about and trying to prolong the inevitable will do nothing except keep you from enjoying your time here on Earth. You’re going to die… get over it.

So, remember the power of youth. Remember what you’re here for (not taxes or laundry)! I will leave you with this quote. The first part is well known, but it’s been modified by skydivers alike:

I refuse to tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death, but rather I will skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out loudly proclaiming… WOW What a Ride!!!

So, How Young Are You?

Here’s a great article I came upon today. It was in many ways the inspiration for this post. It’s a Hoot. 25 Signs that Sadly, You’ve Grown Up.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!